


Regretful Reunion

by Bulla124



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, M/M, Self-Harm, hidekane, only slight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:16:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6269335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulla124/pseuds/Bulla124
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After saying good night to Haise and remembering who he truly is, how will Kaneki's reunion with the most important human in his life go?<br/>----<br/>"Kaneki... Kaneki, it's me..." Hide's voice was soft as he reached out and caressed Kaneki's shoulders, gently moving up to hold Ken's face in his hands. "I've missed you so much." Kaneki's eyes stretched open in alarm, his lungs strained at the breath he held. Kaneki slowly took a step back, leaving Hide's hands hovering in the air.<br/>"I...I'm sorry. I'm not quite certain who you are..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regretful Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Also available on tumblr! http://spiderliliesinmyeyes.tumblr.com/post/141168103559/regretful-reunion-hidekane

"Kaneki... Kaneki, it's me..." Hide's voice was soft as he reached out and caressed Kaneki's shoulders, gently moving up to hold Ken's face in his hands. "I've missed you so much." Kaneki's eyes stretched open in alarm, his lungs strained at the breath he held. Kaneki slowly took a step back, leaving Hide's hands hovering in the air.  
"I...I'm sorry. I'm not quite certain who you are..." Ken's voice broke as he uttered out the words. Hide's eyes became saucers, wide and fearful.  
"What do you mean? I-I know you remember who you are. It's me, Kaneki!" Hide's voice became thick. The lump in Kaneki's throat grew.  
"I.. I'm really sorry. I don't remember... I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything." A few tears slid from his sleepless eyes.  
"Ka--KEN, please! I'm Hide, Hideyoshi Nagachika! We've been best friends since we were snot-nosed kids! I know everything about you!" Hide stepped forward again, his fingers curling tightly in Kaneki’s coat. "I've waited so long to see you... I've missed you so much! Please don't do this...!" Tears and snot poured down Hide's face. Ken's expression became stony, but his eyes never dried.  
"I am sorry, Hid--Hideyoshi-san. I don't remember you." Hide's face crumpled instantly, sobs tore through him, but his hold on the reaper's jacket never lessened.  
"NO! I’VE KNOWN YOU FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS. You are Ken! The sweet, quiet boy who has been hurt by life in hundreds of unimaginable ways... And I'm Hide, your. Best. Friend. I'm loud, I'm annoying, but I'm yours! Please! I know everything about you! From your ticklish knees, to the way you laugh at my bad tv shows and try to cover it with a cough! I know how you bite your lips as you read, I know exactly how sour food makes your nose wrinkle and your eyes twitch! I know you, Ken! I know everything! From your mother, to your aunt, to your forced surgery... I've always known!" The words burst from Hide's lips as his fingers twisted tighter and tighter. His voice got more frantic, more desperate with each word, before finally his voice died off and he buried his face in Kaneki's chest. "I love you, Ken. I'm so sorry I wasn't by your side all these years. I'm so sorry I lead you to your death that day of the raid! I-I'm so s-sorry your-- your eyes! I-I-I... I love you so much!" Hide shook like his body was trying to fall apart. Slowly, so slowly, as if every movement hurt him, Kaneki's fingers twined around Hide's shoulders and firmly he pushed Hide away.  
"I am sorry, Nagachika-san." Without missing a beat, Kaneki stepped back and left. Hide was motionless, silent, empty.

Ken walked, and walked, then he ran. He ran as fast as possible before he could hold his fragmented self together no longer. Then Kaneki Ken broke. 

"Hide... Hide!" As if Kaneki Ken could ever truly forget Hideyoshi Nagachika. That would be impossible. Forgetting Hide would mean forgetting every single thing that had ever meant anything to him. It would mean forgetting their late night escapades, staring up at the stars together, while Ken truly gazed at Hide's glowing silhouette. It would mean forgetting how beautiful he thought Hide looked, and how much he wanted to reach over and never let go of that golden boy. He would be forgetting how his chest tightened and his mouth felt like cotton each and every time Hide smiled at him with his eyes scrunched up and his cheeks rosy. Or how every single time their hands brushed, Ken’s face would feel like lava as he would imagine intertwining their fingers, praying Hide wouldn’t notice his flaming cheeks. He would be forgetting the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

(Ken's eyes were on fire. His fingers twitched.) 

But it would also mean forgetting all the messages Hide left him when Kaneki disappeared, how Kaneki had simply deserted him, abandoned him, left him alone for his own selfish reasons. It would mean forgetting all the pain he'd caused Hide, and how was that fair? Hide would never forgive him and Kaneki didn't want him to. Kaneki didn't deserve Hide. He never had. He didn't deserve Hide's love, he who had never done anything good to him, only desperately, selfishly, pitifully clung to his side like the disgusting worm he was. If only he was dead. 

Kaneki crouched on the abandoned sidewalk, curled into a messy heap. Painful, despairing whimpers broke through his hyperventilating sobs. His fingers clawed and wriggled in his eye sockets. He was a fucked up mess who just didn't know how to die. Hide’s name fell from his mouth in broken mumbles and cries. He had hurt Hide. Again. And again and again. His love was a beautiful lie that he didn't deservehedidn’tdeservehedidn’tdeservehedidn’tdeserve. Not after everything he had done, after the people he'd killed, after the horrible, sickening, patheticpatheticpathetic monster he had become. 

Hide was good. He was light, purity personified. He was too good for him. He deserved the world—No. Hide deserved everything. And Kaneki was absolutely nothing. The love was a lie, it was fake, nonexistent... Kaneki's empty, bleeding, broken heart though... It wished more than anything, with all the aching hope it could muster, that it was true. For if anyone in the entire universe were to love him, he would only want it to be Hide. He would only care if it was Hide. 

"I love you, Hide. I always have. I love I love I love you Hide Hide Hide! I don't want to hurt you, I never did! Hide! I lo—" Kaneki's face smashed into hard heat. Warmth wrapped around him like a vice, pulled him in and refused to budge with a grip of steel. A heavy weight curled on the top of his head and nestled him in deeper. Kaneki's now ruined eyes searched frantically, only to find that he was surrounded by achingly familiar yellow. Finally that voice— that smooth, sugary, passionate, ringing voice— cut through the silence of rough breathing.  
"It's N O T. It's not a lie! My love has never been a lie." Damp heat splattered on Kaneki's cheeks, adding to his own, as Hide gripped his shoulders and held him so as to peer at his blood-streaked face. Kaneki's slowly healing, gouged eyes flitted around desperately. How he wished he could see more than a blurry outline of this beautiful man. Hide oh-so-softly brushed the tears and gore from Ken's cheeks and gave feather kisses to his eyes. Kaneki's breath rattled and choked at his words and gentle actions. "I LOVE you, Ken." A gasping sob ripped through Kaneki, and this time he was the one to huddle into Hide’s chest. 

"Hide, I... I don't want to leave you."  
"Then don't."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this :3 It's my first time ever writing fanfiction and I typed it up at 4am...


End file.
